


Fuck Untargetability

by Nellancholy



Category: League of Legends
Genre: A shitpost uploaded as a fic, Crack, Gen, Meta, Support Group, it ends kind of abruptly i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 11:39:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12210558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellancholy/pseuds/Nellancholy
Summary: Have you been victimised by someone who had untargetability? The 'Fuck Untargetability' support group welcomes you with open arms.





	Fuck Untargetability

Ahri looked up from where she sat in the circle of chairs in one of the Institute of War’s meeting rooms,having just ticked off the attendance list she held in a clipboard. “Alright then,looks like we’re all here. This meeting of the ‘Fuck Untargetability’ support group is now in session. Raise your hand…if you have ever been personally victimised by a champion who could become untargetable.”

 

Predictably,every hand in the circle was raised. However,Ahri turned towards the yordle whose clawed gauntlet was raised…not terribly high. “Veigar,would you like to testify?”

 

“Of course I want to testify!” Veigar shrieked. “Last match my opposing summoner picked Master Yi mid! I thought I could make short work of him- STOP LAUGHING! -and I tried to conjure my Event Horizon,and then-” Here his shrill voice caught.

 

Ahri,as always,remained patient. “Please,take your time Veigar.”

 

“-and then,he Q’ed towards me just as it appeared,and proceeded to autoattack me 5 times a second until I died! This insolence cannot stand! I,Veigar,will crush every last-”

 

Once again,Ahri raised her voice. “That’s enough,Veigar. Feelings of impotence in the face of untargetability are very much understandable,but the first step towards recovery is understanding that there are ways to counteract it. Ekko?”

 

Ekko clasped his hands together,uncharacteristically anxious. “W-well,uh,I was in a team fight in my last match,and I’d taken a few hits from Twitch,but I still had half my health left,and then I got my W stun on everyone in the enemy team,except…” Here he paused to compose himself. “E-except Kayn,who proceeded to…enter me and make Rhaast float above me…”

 

Ahri held out a reassuring hand. “You’re doing great sweetie. You don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to…”

 

Ekko returned her gesture. “So I thought I could just rewind,and I did,but he was still there! And then he came out,and I died in less than a second!”

 

Ahri nodded. “That’s very mature of you. Sometimes,we fall back on patterns of behavior familiar to us when faced with unexpected circumstances,like…untargetable opponents. We have to keep an open mind and always look out for other solutions. Thresh?”

 

Thresh leaned back,running his bony fingers along his lantern for reassurance. “Zed…I was pulling him under my tower,when all of a sudden he vanished. I heard what sounded like a truly horrendous impression of Mordekaiser,before he reappeared behind me. ‘Nothin personnel,kid’,he said,before throwing two shuriken through my ribcage. And the worst part is…right after that,he teleported back to his shadow,escaping without getting hit once by the turret! And then…I exploded.”

 

It was at this juncture that Fiora raised her hand. “Why do we not speak of Akali and Shen,as well? Zey also have bullshit areaz of effect that prevent damage.”

 

Ahri pinched the bridge of her nose. “Stealth and dodge are NOT the same as untargetability,Fiora. We have been over this before.”

 

Ashe spoke up as well. “What about Tryndamere? People should die when they are killed. Not…not that I’ve tried,particularly.”

 

Caitlyn raised both hands. “The most important fact that we can’t ignore here is that literally everyone we’ve brought up today is Ionian-”

 

Before she got any further,a backhand slap and a snarl from Ahri shut her up. “Never. NEVER say anything like that in front of me ever again.”

 

What looked to be the beginning of a fight was thankfully interrupted as a scream of “DEMACIA” broke through the noise,Garen,Xin Zhao,and Prince Jarvan Lightshield IV crashing through the door bearing a large scroll.

 

Ahri hopped to her feet with a wide smile,hoping that she could smooth over the fact that she just slapped someone. “Why hel-lo there,gentlemen! Do you wish to join our meeting? Have you too had experiences with someone who was untargetable?”

 

Garen blinked. “Does dashing and immediately beginning to spin,throwing knives in a circle to deal hybrid AP/AD damage count as-” His query was interrupted by a loud clang as Xin Zhao tried to surreptitiously punch him in his armored abs.

 

Noticing Xin Zhao clutching his hand in pain,Jarvan proceeded to take the large scroll off Xin’s back,handing it over to Ahri. “Unfortunately,my lady,we are not. What we ARE here to do is to serve you this cease and desist letter,on charges of defamation from the…Untargetability Union of Valoran,manufacturers of Zhonya’s Hourglass.”

 

Ahri sighed,unrolling the scroll. “Well,what is it this time…”

 

* * *

 

_buy zhonya's lol - order of shadows  
_

 

_git gud - fizz_


End file.
